I need help removing her.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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