No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize