I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
