I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
