Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
