Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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