I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
