I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
that's an acceptable place to lick
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Randomize
