I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
