You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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