dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
