Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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