Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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