a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
