would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
