FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Damn victory sex feels great
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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