its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
