I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize