dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
