yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
