you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
