I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
