You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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