i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
