I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
