Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Do you still have your period?
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Your topless pictures make me question reality
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
