I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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