Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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