Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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