I was born with a shot glass in my hand
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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