I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
thus making me awesome and them whores
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
