I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Rumble strips road head = magical
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
