She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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