my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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