After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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