dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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