I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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