return my video game
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize