How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'm passing your future prison.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
