I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
