I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
