hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
