Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
