You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize