I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
