Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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