they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
