Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Randomize
