its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
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