Your mouth is God's brothel.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
