you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Randomize