Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
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