We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
