we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
