So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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