brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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