your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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