people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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