There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
