as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
