At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just gift wrapped bread.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Randomize
