i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
