you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
