About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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