I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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