I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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