spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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