My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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