I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
You're like the curious george of whores
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
