Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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