i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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