Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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