Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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