i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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