I just saw a hot homeless man
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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