i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
