Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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