She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
