Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize