Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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