Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
