anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
