So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
