maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize