I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
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