oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
